Rethinking anxiety during pregnancy as part of the RELAX study

Author: Rebecca, RELAX Study participant

The REducing Levels of AnXiety (RELAX) study is a clinical trial of a digital therapy to help prevent anxiety from escalating in pregnant women and birthing people. In this blog, Rebecca – a participant in the study – talks about her experience of anxiety, why she decided to take part in the RELAX study and how she found the therapy and being involved in the trial.

‘Spiralling’: anxiety and pregnancy

I have struggled with anxiety since early adulthood. It was something that grew steadily over time until a breaking point at around 22 when I saw my GP and started counselling. During my twenties it came in peaks and troughs, occasionally supported by counselling but often ignored.

With only myself to worry about, I managed as I began life after university. Then came a long term partner and, in my mid-30s, our first child. After falling pregnant the anxiety crept in and became unsustainable. I was convinced my partner was going to have a horrible accident or die suddenly in his sleep. After sharing these fears with him, they mostly eased off and, while I was probably more anxious than some during pregnancy, working as a teacher and morning sickness for the whole 40 weeks were a distraction!

It was after he was born that I began to spiral again. For weeks after his birth I was absolutely convinced something terrible would happen. I was never worried about me hurting my son, but rather an accident, SIDS, or some mistake I was bound to make. This was beyond anxious, I have vivid images in my head of horrible accidents or some terrible mistake. The internet was a minefield and I couldn’t make the words come out to tell anybody. The older and more robust he got, the easier these feelings became to dismiss but then came childcare and my return to work.

Seeking help and second pregnancy

I realised I couldn’t cope with both and sought help from my GP, being prescribed anti-anxiety medication. This made a world of difference but years of practicing negative and worried thinking patterns had created a habit I couldn’t seem to break.

When my oldest son was about 18 months old, I fell pregnant with our second child. I was feeling a lot better, the doctor kept me on the lowest dose of medication which was still damping the anxiety and life went on as normally as it can with morning sickness and a toddler!

I was in the hospital one day for a routine appointment and when I went to give my urine sample I saw the advert for RELAX on the back of the toilet door. I snapped a photo and looked it up while waiting for my appointment.

Taking part in the RELAX study

While my anxiety in pregnancy this time was a lot lower than with my first child, it was still a part of life and something that had now been present in my entire adult life, even after medication. I felt that of I could give some insight or help someone else in some tiny way by taking part in the study, I would.

I’d decided to apply before my appointment even happened. I was placed in the group taking part in the online therapy. It was unusual at first but I did immediately notice that it was good to have the time away from everything else. I was initially given scenarios which played out all the way through and always ended up fine. Nervous about meeting a friend for lunch? You have a lovely time! Walking to the car alone? You get there fine and drive home. Line manager wants a chat at work? It was to get ideas for a new project.

The first sessions trained me to realise that these scenarios generally end without issue. If not positively, at least neutrally. As the weeks went on, endings were removed bit by bit until I had to decide the ending to each story. I rated my anxiety regularly along the way and eventually found myself actively making these mental decisions day-to-day. I felt better at work and at home. I was lucky to have the time and space to complete these lessons and a supportive partner who did bedtime or would vanish for a bit to give me the opportunity to log in and complete my sessions.

Ongoing benefits after pregnancy

It definitely made a difference to me, I can now see situations for what they are and while my anxious mind often still kicks in automatically, I can often quickly let the feeling float by and think about a positive or neutral outcome.

Just today, I’d forgotten some paperwork for a meeting. After a few seconds of mild panic, I sent my boss a message telling him what had happened. He thanked me for telling him and rearranged the meeting to next week so I have time to get the work done. Anxious mind kicked in, I put my practice into action, everything was sorted in less than 3 minutes. Nothing world changing in isolation, but a good day at work, despite an error which would have ruined the next 48 hours in the past.